It is usually one of those silent nights we often wonder about life. In our own understanding we define life, derive conclusions that sometimes defy our own logic and yet somehow choose to think it is true. We dwell on relationships, think about friends and family and finally rate ourselves before we doze off. At the same time we are happy at our own being and yet think, no, you could have done better. I call it the balancing drill. In life not everything is either black or white. Believe me, this thing called grey does exist. Life is a blessing, indeed it is, but i bet many a times it is no less than a tragedy. A loafer and a successful man both have ideas alike. They both know what should be done, how to do it, yet fall prey to the color code_black, white or grey?!. This vast universe, thousands have existed and exited yet we are clueless as to why we even exist. Here again i bet you if this thought has never strike your mind. Believe me it has given me sleepless nights. In such big scale of things we don't forget to hold all the grudges, even closer. We very well know that one day we will be on the threshold of life, mind you that day is tomorrow, yet petty things still occupy our minds. The neighbor who had borrowed money will still replay in our minds and that expensive watch you had planned to buy will haunt you when you know you are running out of time. How naively we exploit FATE, as we call it. We all are just a car crash, a diagnosis, an unexpected phone call, a newfound love or a broken heart away from being a completely different person. May be its scary or even weird but just let people know that you want them,need them this very moment, you will die if you do not see them,hold them, feel them in some way or the other whether it is your feet on theirs or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. Being desperate is beautiful and there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care. Read those invisible words written on everyone "make me feel important" and feel their deepest feelings "please do not give up on me". Its always easy to ignore but that feeling of satisfaction no money can buy and that feeling of regret, believe me you will die living. And most importantly stay away from people who quote "it is more comfortable to cry in a Lamborghini than on the streets", for they have never really felt anguish or never really loved.
For on that day, the only moments you will have to remember is the the unpaved road that you had walked barefoot on or the times you spent on rooftops with friends talking about life and love yet there will be some like me who will regret a book half read, a note half written or a dream not pursued. The beer you had on mountaintops or by the Riverside will seem vague while the smile of the stranger you didn't bother talking to will make you feel warm. It's the kulfis you had with your best friend on a hot afternoon while waiting for the bus that tastes sweeter than the exotic cuisine you had with your best suit on. And yes the many nights and days you could have been by your parent's side yet your selfish heart took the other way until was it was too late but just yearn for them will wrench your heart but a little too late isn't it? That habit which started with a puff to its okay and finally buying your own smoke, each time which you thought would be your last with much guilt. And that selfish moment you walk into somebody's life just for a taste because you didn't want to miss out on them and after you have taken their skin and deep secrets just trudge along the lines of "i never thought that way" or "it was you after all". Do you even remember, it was souls you gambled with and that the other person's existence meant very little next to your curiosity and excitement? You will someday, a little too late again. Once you tried to be grateful, curbed your desires and made little sacrifices. I know you remember the satisfaction you felt but it was short lived, hard way_the human way. It is funny how we have more guts to malign people with our fingers than to pick up the phone and apologize. But had we understood this, we would have been halfway through.
Someway between dreaded day coming faster and awaited days taking forever we will find ourselves, this time no black, no grey but white just plain white, cold and eerie silence_the MORTUARY.
We never know when the bus is coming.
It is usually one of those silent nights we often wonder about life. In our own understanding we define life, derive conclusions that sometimes defy our own logic and yet somehow choose to think it is true. We dwell on relationships, think about friends and family and finally rate ourselves before we doze off. At the same time we are happy at our own being and yet think, no, you could have done better. I call it the balancing drill. In life not everything is either black or white. Believe me, this thing called grey does exist. Life is a blessing, indeed it is, but i bet many a times it is no less than a tragedy. A loafer and a successful man both have ideas alike. They both know what should be done, how to do it, yet fall prey to the color code_black, white or grey?!. This vast universe, thousands have existed and exited yet we are clueless as to why we even exist. Here again i bet you if this thought has never strike your mind. Believe me it has given me sleepless nights. In such big scale of things we don't forget to hold all the grudges, even closer. We very well know that one day we will be on the threshold of life, mind you that day is tomorrow, yet petty things still occupy our minds. The neighbor who had borrowed money will still replay in our minds and that expensive watch you had planned to buy will haunt you when you know you are running out of time. How naively we exploit FATE, as we call it. We all are just a car crash, a diagnosis, an unexpected phone call, a newfound love or a broken heart away from being a completely different person. May be its scary or even weird but just let people know that you want them,need them this very moment, you will die if you do not see them,hold them, feel them in some way or the other whether it is your feet on theirs or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. Being desperate is beautiful and there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care. Read those invisible words written on everyone "make me feel important" and feel their deepest feelings "please do not give up on me". Its always easy to ignore but that feeling of satisfaction no money can buy and that feeling of regret, believe me you will die living. And most importantly stay away from people who quote "it is more comfortable to cry in a Lamborghini than on the streets", for they have never really felt anguish or never really loved.
Someway between dreaded day coming faster and awaited days taking forever we will find ourselves, this time no black, no grey but white just plain white, cold and eerie silence_the MORTUARY.
We never know when the bus is coming.
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