"Life is indeed simple. But we insist on making it complicated"
By the time I landed I was desperately trying to identify myself with the bustling crowd. The massive hallways and structures appeared out of place to me. The huge hoardings flashed neat ads that boasted of the latest technology. Buying my way out of my own vicious thoughts, I headed to the smoking room and borrowed a cigarette. That failed to slow my throbbing heart either as I stubbed the half-lit smoke and headed out to grab my luggage. For no reason whatsoever, the pang of loneliness grew incessantly within me amidst the very crowd that I
would be fond of, sometimes earlier.
As I boarded a cab to my cousin’s place, I stuffed my ears blurting music at the top volume to drown out the voices outside and my own.
I turned the knob and faced the shower letting the water wash down what it could. This was luxury – warm water after ages of heating the snow to afford drinking water. I stood still leaning onto the wall, tangled thoughts running wild almost absent from the moment. After what felt like a very long time I emerged – washed on the outside, still uneasy deep down. This was supposed to be my vacation and I had it planned perfectly – go clubbing and shopping, visit friends and buy more books, make most of the holidays I had earned and be happy.
It was late night when few old friends dropped by. We were meeting after a long time and it brought back the pleasant memories, we shared what felt like decades ago. We talked about our jobs, relationships and goals and how each of us missed our childhood and the curse of adulthood. By the time the excitement had died down and whiskey kicked in- tales of laments and unhappiness started flowing in. Some had interned abroad while others had got their salary doubled in a year but one thing was common- none was happy. The uneasiness in me that appeared to have subsided for the moment started raising its voices. I emptied my glass and hesitantly poured another drink – it felt like I would be needing it as I subtly removed myself from the gathering and headed upstairs to the rooftop. I was searching for solitude but tonight the city told me otherwise. It would not slow down, neither the people in it. It was as if the very sky was restless.
I leaned onto the railings, facing the city lights. This was the moment I had longed for but something inside me was craving to be back in the barren land- the snow-covered mountain tops. I missed the chilly winds blowing across my face, the frozen waterfalls, the solitude and myself. The nights I would struggle in the cold all alone
in my tent were fresh as dew in my memories, so were the days I would count down besides the freezing river with nothing but silence for company. The clear skies, the star-studded nights rising from the horizon did little to comfort me.
As I look back now, just a day into my self-concocted life of luxury, I terribly miss the life of wanting. I did not have hot coffees in the morning and warm dinner at nights nor did I get the company of friends or Spotify playing my fav music. Heck, it was rare to get a warm shower even. But I had something the city could never offer me- I had the first rays of the sunlight blazing through the snow filled mist, I had mountains to climb and `rivers just born of the melting ice caps making their way down into the cities cutting through the eerie silence, I had nights with wind blowing that would herald long nights and moon shining like never before and what is more you could listen to them and share your secrets and laugh into the night. I was aware of my presence in their midst and I would absorb it all. I would listen to my breath and my heart throbbing, the wind whistling and the river roaring. It was pure joy to forget everything else and sit by the river, watching the snow melt and merge in the day’s sun, listen to the sound of water flow ceaselessly. Nothing mattered more than my presence in the moment and God! I could feel it.
A year in the wilderness had taught me things that my years of education couldn’t. It had taught me to value things that matter – health, family and relationships. All along we run after luxury and riches ignoring the things that brings true happiness. If only, we would pursue happiness with the same intensity and hunger that we run after building fake images and publicity. Often, I wondered if I would really ever need the things that I spent my precious days running after, do they all really matter? What is the true essence of life? Do the norms of the society really mean anything?
In my vain attempts, I realised that the answers lie in the journey to answering these questions and it was my fight and mine alone. It
would demand the greatest of courage to venture into this beautiful journey. It would be a journey demanding sacrifice of worldly things and lay bare of what truly I am. It was going to be a journey of discovery of myself.
A gush of wind brought me back to the concrete world. I raised my glass to the distant invisible mountains and whispered,
HAPPINESS ALWAYS!!!!
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