A summer evening

Sometimes you are 23 and standing by the window, looking out and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart - tailor made for you! Random thoughts come to your mind- relations  springing into existence or some fading from memory, which is less exciting. That now you have landed in the gates of your dream, experiencing the joy of chasing goals. Yet you long for more and you know its a long way.
Sometimes you long for the embrace that might have been but brush away that thought for you can't afford it. Deep in the unspoken heart of yours lies words that paper can't handle;long should they have had their time but no you were too weak. You only wish you had spoken. They would have had their time and you, yours. Sometimes you are okay but at 2 am the mirror shows you a defeated soul and that insane courage you muster to get along_only you can tell. Oh how you wish you too had that somebody who tells you its all right, you are strong, you will make it through. Behind that smile everyone sees, the pain you endure each day, only tears bears witness. The world is fake, you convince yourself and try to follow your conscience but no you fall often for you are bound to go through the pain you are destined for. Each day lasts forever. You wait for the evening, feed your soul with solitude and move on. Someday it will all make sense, someday! Yes, you have a heavy heart, you have faulted those who trusted you and you are sorry. Life taught you lessons when you had already blundered vast. Remorse, you could call it but you could never have trodden two paths. Sometimes words encompass everything and at other times, they even fall short of holding a simple emotion – of gratitude. I didn’t know what my note should say, so I didn’t write one then and today i am short of words again. You are for humility and thus kept on taking the blames.
The moon is full this evening and the song half played. The cycle shed is still, and the guava tree besides it has really grown. Last time i saw it was uprooted by the cyclone.
A thousand thoughts still replays in your mind. You know not why. Maybe of yearnings or of rue. The coffee has grown cold besides the half finished book. The music has stopped. A drop trickled down the cheeks and found its way into the coffee cup. I will complete this note someday, i thought.  When everything feels okay, the pain is gone and a remorseless heart finds joy again. Until someday.